she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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