he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
