Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
