why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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