I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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