I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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