My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
