You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pooping to opera.
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