can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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