you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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