I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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