This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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