Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
