Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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