The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
