Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
