Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
