she was so not down for the gang bang
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Come on in and take your pants off
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