The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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