That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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