I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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