WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.