i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line