I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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