I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
false alarm, still single
Randomize
