these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
