I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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