idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
