i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
