America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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