im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
