Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
