to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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