he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
