3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you never un-have a 4some
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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