erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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