I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
