so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
