We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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