brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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