I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
