i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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