I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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