I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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