don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
