i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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