The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
