The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
