literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
