I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize