You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
