OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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