Apparently you make a good broom.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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