just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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