i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
