Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize