dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
