I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh god it's open bar.
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