But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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